Mike's Musings: Reunited and I Love My Shirt

I needed some t-shirts.

Not just any t-shirts, family reunion t-shirts. Yeah that’s right - the ultimate, the Big Dance, the Tour de Apparel. As anyone who’s ever shouldered the reunion t-shirt responsibility can tell you, these shirts are not just colorful, message-imparting articles of clothing. The FR tees are magical talismans, woven by the Fates themselves, that bind together a widely disparate group of people in a heroic attempt at togetherness. Like costumes on a team of super-heroes, they are a common thread uniting a variety of unique and uniquely gifted individuals.

You want family reunion super-powers? How about Uncle Nick, who ate two dozen hard-boiled eggs, 5 chili dogs, and 2 bags of pork rinds in a half hour 5 years ago and didn’t need to get his stomach pumped. Or Aunt Louise, who knows where everyone is at every reunion 24/7 and when was the last time they ate. Baby Cousin Betty? She outran 6 adults, 10 kids, and 3 dogs while sporting a diaper that contained half of a grilled cheese sandwich, 2 watermelon rinds, 15 pretzels, 24 red jelly beans (strangely, just the red ones), and a half jar of whole fancy cashews. Apparently she was trying to go on the lam. And finally, Grandma Eunice. She did not approve of the bathroom situation 3 years ago and went 4 full days without using the bathroom once. At all. No 1s. No 2s. Nothing of any kind.

So, my family is weird and weirdly gifted, so I had to do right by them.

Where to start? Fabric?

I’ve heard that cotton is the most comfortable, but it can shrink a lot. Does it ever. Eight years ago Cousin Rick went swimming in his cotton reunion tee and it shrunk so much that when he put it on his toddler it still looked like a muscle tee.

Polyester? No shrinkage problem but it does irritate some people’s skin. That might be an understatement. Six years ago we went with 100% poly tees and Grandpa Ralph got a rash so nasty that his dermatologist quit his job and opened a septic tank cleaning business. True story. So probably a blend, but how much?

What colors and design? I needed help, big time. Fortunately, I remembered seeing some custom design and apparel sites on the ‘net. State of the art process, design help, and best of all for a newb like me, great customer service. I’m saved!

The one thing I don’t need help with is the text on the tee - it’s gonna say “I spent 4 days with 60 of my relatives…and the best part was this amazing t-shirt!”

What are they gonna do, fire me?